This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Randomize
