My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
