When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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