I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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