we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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