i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Randomize
