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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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