it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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