Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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