Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize