yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
