I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
