I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
