oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
