So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
