I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
