I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize