well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
