you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
