She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
