well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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