I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
