I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
