i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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