There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Oh god it's open bar.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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