Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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