Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
