this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
