i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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