Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize