Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I still have a little drunk in my system
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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