Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
