Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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