Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize