i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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