paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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