put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize