hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I seem to have left my pride at pride
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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