what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
