K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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