M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
