I'm pants shitting drunk right now
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
