Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
