Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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