just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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