doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
