cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
