Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
