i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
