We named our party play list daddy issues
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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