The maid of honor just puked.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
