I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize