How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
