there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
