I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
