Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
