I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
