the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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