Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
