i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
